Emotional Aspects of One Type of Cancer-Prone Personality
 By Sandra Michaelson

On the surface, these individuals can appear cheerful, competent, helpful to others, and loved by others. But in their own estimation they may feel inadequate, helpless, and out of control. Their superficial cheerfulness masks an underlying entrenchment in feeling helpless or hopeless. Such individuals are likely to be non-accepting or critical of themselves and to belittle their accomplishments. They may have a hard time accepting favors or believing that others love them. While they are sympathetic and helpful to others, they find it hard to express anger.

Though they appear happy, outgoing, and confident, their negativity resides in their willingness to sacrifice their needs for others. Pleasing others becomes the primary motive in their lives, though they are often unconscious of this motive. Though these individuals can be extremely sensitive to the needs of others, they may be totally insensitive to their own. They often emphasize their weak points, play down their strengths, and discount praise. Years of living and reacting in this manner rob such people of their confidence, lead to an obsession with imagined failures, and make them incapable of accepting the love of others.

In their relationships, these cancer-prone individuals either feel insecure in their partner's love or drained by their partner's weaknesses (which they feel responsible for). Separations are often difficult and frightening. They are often preoccupied with worries about losing their loved ones. Feeling that others do not value them or acknowledge their worth, they become convinced they aren't lovable or desirable.

Such individuals feel the need to accomplish a lot in order to be loved, please others, or win recognition. They view life situations as report cards of their worth. If they fail, it feels to them that they cannot be loved. They are intolerant with themselves and have a fear of people finding out what they secretly believe about themselves--that they are insignificant and unworthy. Their desire to succeed is based on their need for approval or praise--which never feels like enough.

Trapped in this psychological prison, such a person feels he can not allow himself to be ordinary, make mistakes, or be himself. On an emotional level, he may conclude: "If I am not exceptional and cannot fulfill the expectations of others, I do not deserve to live."

The need to avert negative evaluation by others results in harsh self-criticism. But fear of doing something wrong causes this individual to think of himself in terms of being wrong. He often feels he cannot influence his personal environment by direct behavior. For example, if situations are not to his liking, he feels he has to make concessions. He gives up what he wants to appease others. He is afraid to ask for help because he expects to be refused and, consequently, embarrassed. He does not want to look grasping, nor does he know how to make his needs known. He has a fear that others will be angry, disappointed, or reject him if he pursues his goals or becomes successful.

These individuals look for the right person or accomplishment that they feel will bestow on them the self-esteem and autonomy they lack. Their life's meaning come from people and things outside of themselves. They are fearful of expressing justifiable anger at those who hurt them, and are reluctant to express a contrary opinion for fear of disapproval or rejection. They develop unrealistic goals that they are convinced will bring them happiness, yet when they experience a hindrance or obstacle they are apt to despair and abandon their goals. Such people live under a fear of self-disintegration that is rooted in a deficient sense of self and an inability to see themselves as independent from others.

This shriveling sense of self, eroded by self-negation and self-rejection, corresponds to the image of cancer that turns on its own cells and destroys them.